Wednesday 5 October 2011
Fun Things do to with your Homestay Student
See how many marshmallows she can fit into her mouth at once! We miss you Manami!
Also, teach her the words "hangover", "advil", and "bastard. All in one night! (Fat Bastard wine was behind that one.) The end, i just really wanted to use this pic.
Conversation with my Husband
Me: So, the guy came to install the house alarm today... he was a beautiful black man... wait, can I say "black man"? African-Canadian?
Hubby: I think black is okay, they don't seem to mind.
Me: So there's black people and white people, can I call East Indians "brown"? or Chinese "yellow" then?
Hubby: they're just "Indians", and no, you can't.
Me: So there's black and white and then everyone else you name by culture? This is so confusing.
I have been basically banned by my friends from using the term "lesbian", but "gay" seems to be fine thus far. Apparently I label people too much, but how do you describe then? This alarm guy was beautiful because he was black. He had that football build, the dark dark skin with the white teeth and the deep voice and it just takes too long to say it this way. I've had friends even attempt to use zee instead of he or she, but you know what? If someone mugs me and I'm giving a police report, I am going to say it was a Chinese Man. Or whatever. I like the idea of putting whatever you want in the gender category of passports (Go Australia!) but there are times when racial and sexual descriptors are necessary. If you invite me to a birthday party for your "partner" whom I have never met, I want to know if I should bring wine with a schmaltzy label like "Bitch" or scotch. Actually, most my friends are lawyers so scotch always works. But there are situations where old fashioned, racist sexist language works for me. I'm old school, alright? I still tell the kids I'll tape something for them (They humour me), I still "dial" a telephone (no longer a dial or a tele), I made a reference to "Pigs in Space" from the Muppet Show today to be met by the blank stare of my (slightly younger) friend. Here's an idea folks, look behind the words to the meaning the person using them intended. I love people, most people. (Exceptions: Prowlers, Jehovah's Witnesses on my doorstep, crazy people on the bus that try to touch my son's red hair.) And I think Black People (African-Canadian? How far removed from Africa do you have to be till that no longer applies?) are a beautiful race, male and female. They're just built better.
Bring on the hate mail. I'm trying.
Hubby: I think black is okay, they don't seem to mind.
Me: So there's black people and white people, can I call East Indians "brown"? or Chinese "yellow" then?
Hubby: they're just "Indians", and no, you can't.
Me: So there's black and white and then everyone else you name by culture? This is so confusing.
I have been basically banned by my friends from using the term "lesbian", but "gay" seems to be fine thus far. Apparently I label people too much, but how do you describe then? This alarm guy was beautiful because he was black. He had that football build, the dark dark skin with the white teeth and the deep voice and it just takes too long to say it this way. I've had friends even attempt to use zee instead of he or she, but you know what? If someone mugs me and I'm giving a police report, I am going to say it was a Chinese Man. Or whatever. I like the idea of putting whatever you want in the gender category of passports (Go Australia!) but there are times when racial and sexual descriptors are necessary. If you invite me to a birthday party for your "partner" whom I have never met, I want to know if I should bring wine with a schmaltzy label like "Bitch" or scotch. Actually, most my friends are lawyers so scotch always works. But there are situations where old fashioned, racist sexist language works for me. I'm old school, alright? I still tell the kids I'll tape something for them (They humour me), I still "dial" a telephone (no longer a dial or a tele), I made a reference to "Pigs in Space" from the Muppet Show today to be met by the blank stare of my (slightly younger) friend. Here's an idea folks, look behind the words to the meaning the person using them intended. I love people, most people. (Exceptions: Prowlers, Jehovah's Witnesses on my doorstep, crazy people on the bus that try to touch my son's red hair.) And I think Black People (African-Canadian? How far removed from Africa do you have to be till that no longer applies?) are a beautiful race, male and female. They're just built better.
Bring on the hate mail. I'm trying.
How to tell if you're a Stay at Home Mommy
There are some serious indicators i do not leave the house enough. Here are some of them:
My evening nightcap is often a jagerbomb.
I start crafting Halloween costumes in May, but do not start Christmas crap until Dec. 23rd. (Metrotown Mall on Dec. 23rd is a special level of hell, I assure you. Much, much more so with kids in tow. Hello, jagerbomb.)
My first meal almost every day is at 3:15 pm and it's usually crackers and cheese, or whatever the kidlets have for an afterschool snack.
Telemarketers are officially afraid to call me. Haven't heard from one in months.
I have a huge to-do list everyday, and mostly don't do any of it. I do have fresh lime-raspberry loaf right now though. No, no pics. I'm so lame.
I have like 8 gold trophies on Plants Vs. Zombies, because I'm so awesome.
I got to go for a mammogram yesterday and I was so, so excited about it!! Yay Squishiness!!! (FYI women, they feel like a million stinging wasps in your bra. Not pleasant. But the nurses were super nice.)
I'm really enjoying the books my children bring home from school. For example, my son brought home a superhero alphabet book which included "W" woman, who is wet, wild, and willing. Maybe not quite that inappropriate, but it raised eyebrows. She was also "wonderful" to look at. At least he's learning the alphabet?
I have started singing, because I am an extrovert and I need to hear voices, or I'll be hearing the bad kind of voices, and that benefits no one except JP Domino who can use me for a case study one day. I suck at singing, am the polar opposite of every Disney "heroine". Birds fly into windows on purpose when I sing. I know this is on purpose because my windows are filthy and birds aren't that stupid.
I drink 2 cups of coffee every morning, then get jittery and panicky, then do yoga, then hurt myself and lay on the couch.
I'm too smart for the new fall lineup (2 Broke Girls? Painful. TerraNova? Write something new.) But I watch them anyway, because All My Children just finished it's million-year-run so Susan Lucci can peel off her flesh to expose a Hellraiser-type-Succubus in private.
When I get bored, I cook, way too much, then panic at the amount of food I have made and inevitably end up with a somewhat surprise dinner party of 11 and panic about that.
I have all the time in the world, but no time at all, it seems. And that glorious napping thing I had planned on? Not with this much coffee jostling for space in my veins. Well, I have to run, the sewer guys are coming tomorrow and I'm going to bake them a cake. (serious.)
My evening nightcap is often a jagerbomb.
I start crafting Halloween costumes in May, but do not start Christmas crap until Dec. 23rd. (Metrotown Mall on Dec. 23rd is a special level of hell, I assure you. Much, much more so with kids in tow. Hello, jagerbomb.)
My first meal almost every day is at 3:15 pm and it's usually crackers and cheese, or whatever the kidlets have for an afterschool snack.
Telemarketers are officially afraid to call me. Haven't heard from one in months.
I have a huge to-do list everyday, and mostly don't do any of it. I do have fresh lime-raspberry loaf right now though. No, no pics. I'm so lame.
I have like 8 gold trophies on Plants Vs. Zombies, because I'm so awesome.
I got to go for a mammogram yesterday and I was so, so excited about it!! Yay Squishiness!!! (FYI women, they feel like a million stinging wasps in your bra. Not pleasant. But the nurses were super nice.)
I'm really enjoying the books my children bring home from school. For example, my son brought home a superhero alphabet book which included "W" woman, who is wet, wild, and willing. Maybe not quite that inappropriate, but it raised eyebrows. She was also "wonderful" to look at. At least he's learning the alphabet?
I have started singing, because I am an extrovert and I need to hear voices, or I'll be hearing the bad kind of voices, and that benefits no one except JP Domino who can use me for a case study one day. I suck at singing, am the polar opposite of every Disney "heroine". Birds fly into windows on purpose when I sing. I know this is on purpose because my windows are filthy and birds aren't that stupid.
I drink 2 cups of coffee every morning, then get jittery and panicky, then do yoga, then hurt myself and lay on the couch.
I'm too smart for the new fall lineup (2 Broke Girls? Painful. TerraNova? Write something new.) But I watch them anyway, because All My Children just finished it's million-year-run so Susan Lucci can peel off her flesh to expose a Hellraiser-type-Succubus in private.
When I get bored, I cook, way too much, then panic at the amount of food I have made and inevitably end up with a somewhat surprise dinner party of 11 and panic about that.
I have all the time in the world, but no time at all, it seems. And that glorious napping thing I had planned on? Not with this much coffee jostling for space in my veins. Well, I have to run, the sewer guys are coming tomorrow and I'm going to bake them a cake. (serious.)
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