Conversation with my Husband

Me: So, the guy came to install the house alarm today... he was a beautiful black man... wait, can I say "black man"? African-Canadian? 
Hubby: I think black is okay, they don't seem to mind.
Me: So there's black people and white people, can I call East Indians "brown"? or Chinese "yellow" then?
Hubby: they're just "Indians", and no, you can't.
Me: So there's black and white and then everyone else you name by culture? This is so confusing.

I have been basically banned by my friends from using the term "lesbian", but "gay" seems to be fine thus far.  Apparently I label people too much, but how do you describe then?  This alarm guy was beautiful because he was black.  He had that football build, the dark dark skin with the white teeth and the deep voice and it just takes too long to say it this way.  I've had friends even attempt to use zee instead of he or she, but you know what?  If someone mugs me and I'm giving a police report, I am going to say it was a Chinese Man.  Or whatever.  I like the idea of putting whatever you want in the gender category of passports (Go Australia!) but there are times when racial and sexual descriptors are necessary.  If you invite me to a birthday party for your "partner" whom I have never met, I want to know if I should bring wine with a schmaltzy label like "Bitch" or scotch.  Actually, most my friends are lawyers so scotch always works.  But there are situations where old fashioned, racist sexist language works for me.  I'm old school, alright?  I still tell the kids I'll tape something for them (They humour me), I still "dial" a telephone (no longer a dial or a tele), I made a reference to "Pigs in Space" from the Muppet Show today to be met by the blank stare of my (slightly younger) friend.  Here's an idea folks, look behind the words to the meaning the person using them intended.  I love people, most people.  (Exceptions: Prowlers, Jehovah's Witnesses on my doorstep, crazy people on the bus that try to touch my son's red hair.)  And I think Black People (African-Canadian? How far removed from Africa do you have to be till that no longer applies?) are a beautiful race, male and female.  They're just built better.

Bring on the hate mail.  I'm trying.